Thursday, September 1, 2011

September

September has always been a good month for me. My Mom's birthday is the 9th, and mine is the 22nd. So it's a birthday party every other week of  September basically and that's fun! I love my Mom and her birthday is a chance for me to TRY and pick something out that lets her know I'm thankful for her. Of course your own birthday is fun for most people, so no big surprise there. I am looking down the barrel of 29 this year and there's a BIG 3-0 in the sight for next year. It doesn't really bother me too much. I'm not depressed about it, or upset really, yet... I've decided every birthday I make it from here on out is just "better then the alternative" as Big Daddy would put it.
This year feels a little different. Last year my family lost a major force in our lives, my "Granny". So This year seeing September 1 roll over isn't filled with as much joy. I'm still excited to celebrate my Mom's birthday with her and her sisters they call themselves the "Ya-Ya's", for those of you that have seen the movie you know what I'm talking about. "Ya-Ya's" tight knit group of a little off center ladies with the best intentions, big hearts, and great humor! I have been invited to "Ya-Ya!" and I'm honored.
My birthday occurred last year amidst the loss of my Granny. Despite my husband's attempts out of love to make it still a good day, my heart wasn't in it. I just wanted to crawl into a cave somewhere. And even now, a lump in my throat, tears, and my heart in my stomach. On my birthday last year we attended her visitation. Some how the thought of it being an "anniversary" of our loss makes it sting all over again. Then I have this lovely tug of war of missing her and having  "pity party of one" and then feeling guilty because it's selfish of me to think that way. She's in such a better place and I know it, with all me I know she's in THE perfect place.
In order to NOT let this frumity dumpity stuff take over, in addition to my belief that God made today, and I am to REJOICE no matter the "date" or memories of past days... I'm going to take a note from Peter Pan and think happy thoughts. Childish? Maybe... but everyday this month I'm going to do my best to use happy memories as the pry bar to wedge loose my grip on this sadness. That's my fault, there I said it... I have flaws... OH my that's understatement! One of my flaws is not REALLY letting go. I found a little poem that really hit my heart.
"As children bring their broken toy, with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him in peace to work along with ways
That were my own, at last I snatched them back and cried,
'How can you be so slow?'
'My child' He said 'What could I do? You never let it go!' "

Today's happy thought: Coke in a bottle. Nope not a glass one, a BABY one. Yes, as you Mommies gasp, I DRANK COKE AS A KID. Even I am for restricting this sugar and caffeine filled treat from my kids, but my Granny and Papaw... did not :). Guess what! Didn't kill me, didn't stunt my growth, didn't damage my IQ... AND... I am and only child, and the only child that spent the day with my Granny and Papaw as my daycare so they played with me. They were my playmates, and they ROCKED! So when I wanted to play "baby", I was the baby. Granny had an old plastic "Gerber" bottle. Sometimes it had juice in it, but my favorite was when she would put coke and ice in the bottle. Sucking it thought that tiny hole made the carbonation soooo very fizzy! So today my happy thought I want to spark through my brain is "Coke in a bottle".

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